Written By Joshua:
The relationship with Mommy and Daddy is bad. They don’t talk to each other. It’s bad because Jimmy and I are bad at Chinese and math. Daddy is sad because Jimmy and I are bad at Chinese. Mommy is sad that Daddy is angry and that Jimmy and I are bad at English and spelling. Daddy is angry because of Chinese and Mommy is angry that our English is not good and that we are always on the gadget.
Mommy and Daddy want us to have good study habits and that we are not distracted. If I could change things, I would want to be good in Chinese or maybe live in China longer so I can be good and so Dad wouldn’t need to get angry. For Mom, I want to have more time to write things and to be better at spelling.
Written By Jimmy:
My Mom and Dad have a bad relationship and they always fight. I feel sad that they fight over our studies and I can’t stop their fighting. For me, I wish I can change things like Daddy’s anger and also change our study habits. I wish Mom will be happy and under less stress.
Written By Mommy
I am sad and frustrated because there is always so much conflict at home. I want Joshua and Jimmy to get a good education. The Moms and I worked hard to make the micro school an amazing learning community for our children, but Jason will never like it and he can never understand it. I am frustrated that Jason always has to be angry at the kids. Learning should not be a punishment. Learning Chinese and math is like a punishment for them because their Dad is always angry every time they make a mistake. That’s why I want them to study in the micro school because the teachers will teach professionally and with patience. I want Jason to just give the micro school a chance to work.
I am worried that Joshua doesn’t know what to do for himself. He is doing and choosing things only because of his Dad or his Mom. What does Joshua really want for himself? He wants to play basketball but he doesn’t want to because his Dad will be angry. He is afraid to do anything that he knows will make his Dad mad like learning how to cook with other people. I know there are other things Joshua would like to do but it’s buried underneath all the expectations and anger of his Dad and Mom. I want to help Joshua uncover those that were buried.
I see Jimmy having a hard time controlling himself, being overly emotional and over-the-top dramatic. I feel he’s picking up the worst from us, his Mom and Dad. His Dad constantly berating, criticizing, cursing and calling him names must surely be unhealthy for his self-esteem and his mental health. It shows in the problems cropping up in how he relates to people and I wish somebody can help us address this problem before it gets worse.
Both Joshua and Jimmy do not have the stamina to study or to focus on something that will build skills. They can focus while playing video games but they can’t focus on doing studies or writing. I want to teach them how to edit their English writing but they need to have the patience to re-write things over and over. I do see improvements thought since the micro school started.
I envy the other parents. The Moms and Dads are united in sending their kids to the micro school. The Dads support the Moms one hundred percent. Here in our household, Mom and Dad are always in conflict. We do not agree on how to educate the children and it’s causing too much stress and friction. This house is not a good learning environment for children that is why I created the micro school. I want my kids to have something better. But it’s very stressful because Jason is not supportive and he does not think it is right, so I have to make sure that the kids are studying their Chinese and math well or else Jason will get more mad and will even be more displeased with the micro school.
Jason and I are fighting over the hours with the kids and it’s really bad for them because they are just following what Daddy and Mommy want and they are afraid of the bursts of anger. Jason and I both want the kids to be independent and choose the direction they want in life but how could they when the overriding theme in the house is fear.
I wish I could change things but I don’t know how. I feel so hopeless and helpless.
I wish Jason could see the goodness in the micro school. I wish the kids can develop more discipline and focus in their studies, but not through fear and intimidation. I wish I knew how to help them in the best way possible. I wish Jason will realize how getting angry all the time will not help the kids improve their studies. I wish Jason realizes the insulting, criticizing, cursing and calling them names will not make things better and can only make things worse. I hope he realizes that this is not a healthy way to bring up children. I hope the teachers at the micro school can help Joshua and Jimmy develop better study habits, more stamina for focused work and enjoy learning.
Learning should not be a punishment. It should be joyful. I don’t know how to bring that joy in learning for Joshua and Jimmy. Jason is angry and disappointed at them. I am frustrated and overwhelmed by the situation. As parents, we are both not good role models, because we are not good and kind to each other. We don’t communicate and we don’t respect each other. However, we both love Joshua and Jimmy. I hope we can do something to improve so that the environment is better for the children.
These are photos taken when we lived in China. Things were simpler then because the kids were a lot younger. Jason and I were not filled with as much anger and hatred as we are now. These photos are from an old phone that has a broken glass screen so you can see the big crack. We couldn’t figure how to send so I took photos of it, cracks included.
I don’t know if our life can still be fixed. It seems like the brokenness is as permanent as the cracks that can never be fixed.